she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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