If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
