Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
