When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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