i permit you to call me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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