He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
