So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
