Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
