i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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