this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
