you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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