it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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