Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
