he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
