it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
