Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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