jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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