I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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