chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
