i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
