He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
