The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
