Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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