I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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