I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
