I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
