1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
