Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize