non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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