I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
