we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
