Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He better not be in your backpack
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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