Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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