i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
