1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
