I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
