Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
