i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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