I must be too annoying 4 u.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
