I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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