Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize