soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
