covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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