I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
