Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
