I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are we still banned from the library?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
