Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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