i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
