This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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