I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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