Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
