he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
