The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
