we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
