its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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