Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
