I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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