I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
