I'm going to jail i love you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
