Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
