Do you still have your period?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
