Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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