the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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