The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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