I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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