You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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