when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
