This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize