the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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