I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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