I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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